Start Again

I am sure my weight has gone up considerably, and I was not at a goal weight for my wedding.  I have however finished up my PhD and not killed anyone.
I liked this blog, and it was good for me. The scope of a wedding is too small.  In the next month I will take down the wedding stuff, and just make it a vegan-ish blog for my sanity.  I hope those of you who still read this will enjoy it again.


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To the Moon and Back Again

I wrote a fluffy cute poem, to tell a story to go along with the drawings.  I have no idea where we’ll use it, but It could make for a nice triptych with the sketches once they’re cleaned up.

Hand in hand they stood
Under the yellow smiling chap
She asked with a laugh,
Do you love me the distance up to that?
With no reply he stole away
And beckoned her to follow
She ran behind staying close
As he lead her into a hallow
Hidden behind an old gnarled tree
Sat a rocket, no longer brave and new
Despite his joy and zeal
She doubted that it flew
Upon it he climbed and helped her to his side
Then up he jumped and tied to its nose a helium balloon
And to her great surprise all their loved ones followed
With a wink and wish they went, onwards to the moon!
On they went, through the clouds
Above the earth they alighted
To the yellow smiling chap they flew
And upon reaching him were delighted
From within a warm embrace
He whispered this refrain
“I love you from here to home,
And to the moon and back again.”
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Drawing for Favors

I had surgery of sorts on Tuesday, so I’ve been semi brain dead. I’ve been cleaning my apartment and doing some tedious wedding things.  I’m really pleased with this drawing.  I think we’ll use it for our wedding favors.

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Rough Sketch of the Guest Book

I drew this today with a tiny bit of cheating with stars and rocket. I need to redo the stars, I just copied and pasted them. I’m pleased with it so far. When I print it and hand draw it it’ll be great. I drew this on my iPad with a stylus.
Our guests will add thumb print balloons and sign their thumb stamp. I got the idea from this. Imitation is the highest form of flattery.


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Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

Today I made homemade almond joy bars.  They are spectacular!

I got the basic recipe from here, Part-time Health Nut.  I sort of just looked over the ingredients and did my own thing.

Awesome.  Just awesome.

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My Dress

I have picked my dress! I ordered it from a super nice seamstress.  I hope I love it this much in 10 months! The last photo is bad and over exposed, but you can see some details better.  I am getting excited!

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Coconut and Berry Cashew Date Balls

The last week has been hard.  My car was broken into over the weekend.  They stole my ipod and any change they could find, which is fine.  Those things are replaceable. What I’m really upset about is they stole two rings from India.  One of them was a gift from someone.  It was his lucky ring, and he never took it off.  He gave it to me in the car on the way to the airport.  It is one of my most precious things, which is why I carried it with me in my change purse.  I reported it but I know the police won’t do anything.  The people in the downstairs apartment had a party that night, and I told them what happened and they said they will make it right.  It gives me some hope, which is a dangerous thing.  I called the person who gave me the ring and he wasn’t concerned it was stollen, he was more concerned with how upset I was about it.  He said he will bring me a new one when he comes to visit me.  I know neither will happen, but it was comforting.  I’m thinking about putting up posters with a reward.  I just don’t know if it won’t help.

Then on Monday I had have blood work done, and I had to speak to a professor from Israel.  Last time he came it was miserable.  This time it was actually really nice.  It makes me realize how much I’ve learned in the past few years.  The conversation was very different as was the dynamic. Then yesterday I had to give a lab presentation and right after have a ct urogram (a ct of my kidneys with contrast).  The lab presentation was probably the best I’ve given.  My new laptop doesn’t plug directly into the over heard, so I made everyone circle up to see the laptop.  The informality took away my nerves and I was coherent.  I think it’s strange I can teach, and perform with no nerves, but when I have to present scientific work to peers I get so nervous.  I have literally forgotten what I was saying mid sentence.

Anyhow, the weight is slowly going down.  I’m not really dieting, so I’m pleased with it.  I haven’t been active this week for the above reasons.  I may eat a sub today.  I’m just so tired and I’m not really getting any less tired.  It has been 16 days with no sugar or flour and we decided this week will be the last.  I am going to visit friends this weekend and go to a birthday party, so it is already nearly impossible to eat when I’m there, if I had no sugar or flour I wouldn’t blame people for wanting to stab me. I crave it less than the beginning, but I’m still very spacey and forgetful. I think we will keep it as a Monday-Friday thing, but eat sugar and flour on weekends.

Since we wanted something sweet this weekend, we made delicious coconut and berry cashew date balls.  They are delicious.


  1. 1.5c cashews
  2. 1c pitted dates
  3. .5c strawberries
  4. .5 blackberries
  5. .5c unsweetened coconut + coconut for rolling
  6. 1 teaspoon vanilla
  7. .5 teaspoon cinnamon

Put 1c of cashews into the food processor and make them into basically a nut butter, then add the berries and dates.  Be sure to scrape the cashews from the bottom and when the consistency is fairly smooth, add the coconut and remaining cashews.  You don’t want to make them into a butter, just cut them into small bits to add texture.  I am terribly impatient, and I immediately rolled them into very sticky balls and rolled them into the coconut.  I think if I had left them in the refrigerator for a few hours it would have been less messy, and easier to roll them.

Anyhow, they are easy and delicious!

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Furious Anger and Jasmine Rice with Almonds and Golden Raisins

As some of you know I life in academia.  This morning during a lab meeting a girl in my lab presented work from a paper she just submitted.  In this presentation, she talked about data from a protein model, that I made for her.  Funny thing is, that I am not an author on the paper.  It took an exceptional amount of self-restraint not to say something during the meeting. I get angry like a cartoon character.  I can’t control my facial expressions, my cheeks get red, and my face gets hot.  The next step is steam coming out of my ears.  To make a long rotten day short, between this lab meeting and speaking to my boss, the former Frenchman decided it was necessary to speak to me. Oh crazy, how you love me. Anyhow, I managed to be nice and calm to my boss.  He assured me he would fix it and he didn’t know.  By the end of the day, I almost, ALMOST, felt bad for my co-worker.  She texted me an apology, and from what I can gather she may have had her ass handed to her. My boss has only gotten angry at me once, and it was unfounded.  I went home and cried.  The horror of him being angry with reason is great.

I went home and cooked because I wouldn’t be able to focus with that amount of anger. When I get that angry it takes a while for it to fade to a reasonable level.  I do give myself credit for at least seeming composed.

Here is what I made,

Jasmine Rice with Almonds and Golden Raisins:


I made far too much, if I were to make it again, I would use half the amount of rice, (and water).
I’d also add sugar when I added the water if I could.

  1. 2c jasmine rice
  2. 1/4c slices almonds
  3. 1/2c golden raisins
  4. peanut oil
  5. 1/4c sweet onion
  6. 3c water
  7. 1 or 2 cinnamon stick
  8. several cloves
  9. salt to taste

I have these beautiful spices I brought home from India.  I love it when I get to use them.


Put about a tablespoon of oil in the pan, and heat it.  Then add the cinnamon and the cloves.  Wait until they smell awesome, then add the onion.  Be sure you cut the onion, very very fine.  Cook that until the onion becomes translucent, if not a touch brown.  Add the rice and be sure you coat the rice with the oil from the bottom of the pan. Then add the water and raisins, and bring the whole thing to a boil.  Once it has boiled it, stir it well, and turn it down to as low as your stove goes.  I normally shut the heat entirely when the rice is almost dry.  It will continue cooking but rice on the bottom of the pan doesn’t burn that way.  Once the rice has sucked up all the moisture, add the almonds and enjoy.

My photos are terrible on this blog generally.  I’ll try to work on that.  The sad thing is, one of my favorite hobbies is photography, but here I only ever use my phone.  I’ll still take the photos with my phone, but I’ll make an effort to make them better.

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Yummy Beans with Fresh Corn

I should be reading a grant proposal.  I am doing anything but.  I cleaned yesterday, and today I did errands and wrote exams for the little girl I tutor.  Now I’m writing this.  Soon I will do it, just not now.

It is day 7, and my head is 95% better. I am still under the bell jar, but I’m not sure how to fix that.  I’m continuing the things that normally make things better, so I just need to hope and keep pressing on.  I read some body image blogs this morning, and at the risk of being an asshole, despite how scattered I feel, I’m doing ok.  Everything in this life is relative. The sun will come out for me soon, I just have to wait and not destroy my life in the meantime.

Mr. F was awesome this weekend.  On Friday I was miserable, partially from the lack of sugar and flour, and partially for the loss of my daytime friend.  I asked him pathetically to come this weekend and he came with no argument or question.  My very buttoned up mother even said he was a good egg.

While he was here this weekend we made beans! The great family I tutor for gave me a bag of fresh picked corn.  The kids I guess went crazy picking it.  I have a ton of corn now, and needed to cook it.  You can’t let fresh picked foods go to waste.  These were so delicious that I made it again with black beans today.  Also, they are sugar free and flour free, and vegan!


Pinto Bean Version

Yummy Beans:

  1. large can of pinto or black beans
  2. frozen butter or lima beans
  3. medium onion
  4. 3 ears of corn
  5. 1 small can rotel tomatoes and chilis
  6. 1 tomato
  7. cumin
  8. red pepper
  9. paprika
  10. salt and pepper
  11. oil to cook it in, I use veg oil
  12. tortilla chips

I’m a lazy cook.

Chop the onion, and throw it in the pan, while it’s starting to brown, cut the kernels off the uncooked corn cobs.  Throw them into the pan, and brown the whole thing. When those are browning, chop the tomato, rinse the beans, and open the frozen beans and the can of tomatoes. I’ve had trouble with the size of the pan and the amount of beans.  If you throw the frozen beans in first until they start to come apart, life is easier.  Then throw in everything else, and add the spices.  When I make pinto beans, I add a bit of water and let it cook down a bit so it is thicker.  When I make it with black beans I leave it more dry. I am not very good at amount of spices I add.  I imagine it is ~1tsp of the cumin, and paprika.  The red chili pepper is to taste, same with the salt and pepper. ImageCorn and onion, I think I’ll make this and eat it as is tomorrow. It smelled amazing. Image

The Pinto Bean Version, on my dingy ass stove, before it boiled down.

Eat it with tortilla chips. Delicious! It’s almost all I’ve eaten since Saturday.   ImageBlack Bean Version

Since I have been eating beans and beans and beans, I thought I should have something a little different for dinner tonight.  So I made a smoothie with,

  1. 2 very very ripe frozen bananas
  2. 1 scoop of vanilla soy protein powder
  3. original unsweetened almond milk



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Day 5, Quick Losses

Last night I was so light headed.  I decided if I didn’t feel better today I would eat something with sugar in it.  Luckily today is much better. With no flour or sugar no matter what I eat I don’t feel satisfied.  It’s really interesting.  It helps me make a distinction between hunger and satisfaction.  Not even potatoes seem to make a difference.

I had to stop talking to the Frenchman.  It is for the best in the long run but it feels like a loss right now.  He went too far and neither me or his fiance appreciated it.  I’m very sad about it but probably for very vain reasons.

The good loss is a few pounds! I said I would avoid the scale until next week, but because I am so ready to eat something sugary and comforting I had to know if at least there was progress.  I seem to have overcome my plateau.  I am down to 205.  I had been stuck at 208/209 for weeks. If I can be strict with my work outs, I can be out of the 200’s soon!

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